Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
