i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They took my balls.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
