My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
