come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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