she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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