The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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