don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
