I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
