Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
