i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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