this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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