i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
