wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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