She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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