now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i came on her dog
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
