The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
