tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
