You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
