I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
