I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
