There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
