she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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