So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
