I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
