Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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