The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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