Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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