WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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