I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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