You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
