Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't deserve a penis
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
