dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
