fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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