So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
