there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
