Dude my mom stole all your condoms
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
