A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
