Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
