possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
