Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
