dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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