girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
