smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
