you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
