I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
