...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
