Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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