That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
