32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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