You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
