My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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