You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
